dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have aggressive nipples.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
