Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
