i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
