The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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