Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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