she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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