I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
