It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
