How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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