You smell like stripper and shame
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
