I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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