Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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