i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
