I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
