I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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