The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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