I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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