I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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