Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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