I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
