My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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