he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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