Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
