my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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