I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this boner is exhausting
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
