Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
