I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
