Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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