either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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