did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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