DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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