Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
