I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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