; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I smell stomach acid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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