SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
