my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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