I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
