I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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