you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
