Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
