Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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