i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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