i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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