I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
