ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
