I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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