we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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