i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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