ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
