ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
