whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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