my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
