Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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