Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
COCAINE IS GR8
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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