I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
