AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
