garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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