If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize
