Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
