Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
