lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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