I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
