I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
