Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
