so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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