I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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