I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
