Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i think my cat just said my name.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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