End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize