I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
