i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
