took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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