I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
