just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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