Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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