Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
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im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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