I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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