White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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