My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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